Weekly Topics - June - December 2016
December 25: The Promises
Good Sunday afternoon GROW Sisters! I am very grateful for the opportunity to be of service today as our topic chair! Thank you so much for the many birthday wishes as I celebrated my 2 year sober birthday last week!!
This week's topic comes from the "Family Afterward" section of the BB, and with us in the thick of the holiday season, I thought it an appropriate topic. The BB states:
"We have been speaking to you of serious, sometimes tragic things. We have been dealing with alcohol in its worst aspect. But we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders...
So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."
I love this because it reminds me that in sobriety, I can still be joyous, happy and free. My days as a drunk often ended with me being bitchy and I lived a very cynical life. EVERYTHING bothered me- molehills were mountains at every turn. But in sobriety, I've learned to pause and accept life on life's terms. To be honest, this doesn't just happen, I have to put in the work, have a good Program, communicate my feelings, and talk to my sponsor and other alcoholics to get out of my own brain. I don't have to see doom and gloom at every turn, I can laugh and find joy in the smallest areas.
With the holidays, I have to stay in touch with my Higher Power, not give in to the stress and take care of myself. I waited until the last minute to go Christmas shopping, so why am I mad at the traffic??!! A little self-talk goes a long way. I can change my "stinking thinking."
So, my sober sisters, I would love for you to share how you're going to find joy in this season that can be stressful enough to make folks drink. How will you handle the life without being irritable, restless and discontent?
If something else is on your mind, please share that, too. Thank you for allowing me to chair; the floor is now open to you.
December 18: We are NOT a glum lot.
Good Sunday afternoon GROW Sisters! I am very grateful for the opportunity to be of service today as our topic chair! Thank you so much for the many birthday wishes as I celebrated my 2 year sober birthday last week!!
This week's topic comes from the "Family Afterward" section of the BB, and with us in the thick of the holiday season, I thought it an appropriate topic. The BB states:
"We have been speaking to you of serious, sometimes tragic things. We have been dealing with alcohol in its worst aspect. But we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders...
So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."
I love this because it reminds me that in sobriety, I can still be joyous, happy and free. My days as a drunk often ended with me being bitchy and I lived a very cynical life. EVERYTHING bothered me- molehills were mountains at every turn. But in sobriety, I've learned to pause and accept life on life's terms. To be honest, this doesn't just happen, I have to put in the work, have a good Program, communicate my feelings, and talk to my sponsor and other alcoholics to get out of my own brain. I don't have to see doom and gloom at every turn, I can laugh and find joy in the smallest areas.
With the holidays, I have to stay in touch with my Higher Power, not give in to the stress and take care of myself. I waited until the last minute to go Christmas shopping, so why am I mad at the traffic??!! A little self-talk goes a long way. I can change my "stinking thinking."
So, my sober sisters, I would love for you to share how you're going to find joy in this season that can be stressful enough to make folks drink. How will you handle the life without being irritable, restless and discontent?
If something else is on your mind, please share that, too. Thank you for allowing me to chair; the floor is now open to you.
December 11: Staying sober...No Matter What
Sorry Ladies for getting this out a bit late today...I'm Jennifer and I'm a women in long term recovery. I would like to send congrats to all of our celebrants past and present...and welcome all the newcommers both coming here for the first time and those joining us. I am not an active participant in sharing, however, I am active in reading. Due to health challenges, it's difficult a lot of times to type. With that being said, I like to be of service when I can so thank you for the honor.
I have been going through a lot of changes. I have, as I mentioned, health challenges which are ever changing and apparently progressive. I never know what the day will bring until I am able to get up for the morning. Some days it's like I don't have many limitations, other days, like today, I'm unable to do much of anything.
The good news today is, I don't have to drink over it. No matter what. The program has afforded me some very rich tools in the form of having a sponsor, a network, the steps, trads, slogans, meetings and most importantly, a connection to something greater then myself which I choose to call HP (Higher Power).
A few things have helped me stay sober during my challenging times. Learning about having and living "A New Normal". This is where I look at what I am able to to, rather then what I'm not able to do and live within those parameters with gratitude and acceptance. When I am in acceptance of these changes, then they become "normal...or my new normal" and I don't have to live in anger or contentment. Like when I first got sober...old normal was to drink over my emotions. My new normal became using the 12 steps and tools of the program to not drink over my emotions.
My dear friend Claudia, who recently passed away (natural causes and sober) use to say, "take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minutue at a time (and she would add) one breath at a time". We would say to each other, (ODAT--OHAT--OMAT--OBAT) and "Just Breath"..that I can do!! She also had one other saying...when she would be in her "stuff" she would say, "Ok, I'm done being on the pity pot, time to flush"!! I love that!! I try not to stay on too long these days, and by coming to a meeting or sharing with another alcoholic, I can then flush a lot quicker then in early sobriety...I use to have to pry myself off the potty, smiles. Today I chose to not sit too long.
So, this is totally not anywhere near what I was going to chair about smiles..so I think for a topic...and since the holidays are approaching and times can be challenging...I'd like to throw out there a topic of :: "Staying sober..No Matter What"...how do you do that today?
Thanks for letting me be of service...If this topic does not resinate with you, please share from your heart anything that is AA 12 step related that resinates with you today. Blessings and in service, Jennifer
December 4: Expectations Low, Acceptance High
Good Sunday morning GROW Sisters! Elizabeth, a very grateful alcoholic here. I am also very grateful for the opportunity to be of service today as our topic chair!
For our topic, I have selected the phrase I often hear in meetings and read online, keeping expectations low and acceptance high in regards to people, place and things.
I have found this phrase to be extremely helpful in keeping me in balance and more serene throughout my sobriety. It was introduced to me early in my recovery and have used it as part of my AA 'code' again and again.
It has been particularly helpful recently with a life on life's terms situation with the father of my children. We have had a very negative encounter this past week. Keeping my expectations low, as he is an active alcoholic and addict, and acceptance high as acceptance is the key to all things, has helped me so much in refraining from engaging in the 'junk' that has been spewed my way.
I am so so grateful to have a program with gems like this phrase to help me deal with life on life's terms as a strong and steady sober woman of grace, staying close to my God, staying connected with my sponsor, sharing with a very few people in my network, using prayer and meditation to maintain my conscience contact.
Thank you for letting me be of service. The meeting is yours. Please feel to share on this topic or anything that is in your heart and needs to be shared with the group.
In gratitude and appreciation and with love, Elizabeth
November 27: A Vision For You.
"Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you-until then."
I was thinking about how I have enjoyed having a couple days off of work, spending time with my husband and daughter... yet I've allowed my extended family to disrupt my peace and serenity.
When I was reading these paragraphs from the book, I realized over the past week I have been slightly off my routine and perhaps (definitely) that's why. I've been relying on the work I have done up to this week. And I haven't quite been working as hard. Haven't been as diligent or humble in my thoughts and words.
I have to work this program every single day. In the same way, in order to stay in my right mind.
It's a simple program. I just have to work it every day! Follow the suggestions of those that have come before me. I don't get a day off like I do from work. Every day I wake up an untreated alcoholic. When I get connected with my God and follow the suggestions, life is good. When I don't, it's not. Plain and simple.
The good news is I have the awareness and can make changes right now!
Thank you for letting me be of service. I'm grateful for the opportunity to get back into the book and be reminded how good life is when I'm doing the work!
Please share on this topic or anything that's on your mind.
November 20: Steps 4 and 5
I prayed on what the topic should be. I am a new member of Grow. I just celebrated 6 months sobriety. As I head towards this step, I am afraid of some truths and worry I will fall into the despair of depression. Looking at me is difficult. And now I have to do this and tell someone. But here I go!!!
From the Big Book, "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent, we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile." Chapter 5, How it works, page 66. I have squandered many an hour blaming other people. My reactions and attitude, especially in my drinking were awful.
Now I get to understand my part in the whole thing. To review my short comings was something I never thought of. It was not my fault that everyone had attitudes and issues. I never thought to look and see how my attitude and issues affected everyone else. Sitting with a pen, paper and deep reflection I can now see the part I played. But what about telling someone? Fear, comes into mind. What will my sponsor think of me? The horrible person I have been. I try to remember the others who have taken this step. They talk of release and relief. The sense of peace that comes with admitting out loud and the promise that my HP will help remove these shortcomings if I ask. What a glorious thing to happen. To be rid of past and all the baggage I have dragged with me all this time.
"This vital step was also the means by which we began to get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter what we had done." From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Step Five, page 57-58.
How did you get ready for these steps without getting trapped in regrets? What was it like when you finished step 5?
Thank you.
This topic is now open for discussion.
November 13: Fear
Good morning friends. My name is Karrie and I am an alcoholic. Today I Celebrate my third anniversary in sobriety. Yahooooo. I am incredibly grateful to my higher power and to AA. It is only by the grace of a power greater than myself that I am here writing this morning. So many positive and beautiful things have happened since I put the bottle down. It's not always been easy but it sure is a lot better then I ever imagined it could be.
As I sit here writing, I am struggling with a topic that will sound spiritual and that you all will say "WOW look at this girl she has it going on." So I think I'll skip over all of that. Over and over I find myself trying to please people. Working a fourth step with my sponsor, I have come to see that I am seeking love and approval from people by performing. It's been a hard thing to look at and work on. It's basis is that ugly word ... FEAR. I am not going to get what I want, when I want it, and how much I want of it, and the way I want it and on and on.
The big book describes me perfectly over and over: "Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt."
"This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve."
In sobriety I have had many opportunities to face things afraid. I’m grateful for my sponsor and all of you who are here with me as I walk this journey and get better. I want my life to be happy joyous and free. As I face my fears and look at myself, by working the steps, there is freedom and peace from this disease. Thank you for being part of my journey, I am grateful to you all. The meeting is now open on the topic of fear or anything else that you need to talk about to keep you from a drink.
November 6: Acceptance at a slightly new level
GROW topic: For today's topic I have chosen acceptance at a slightly new level.
We are all familiar with Dr.: Paul's rendition in "Steps & Traditions AA p. 139" and acceptance is the answer to my problems...I must accept everything exactly as it is else I wind be at fault with new opinions and to new criticism.
Or with God's world?
I always keep in mind God's portion of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can ...
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I recently survived a critical blood disease but was left unable to walk. Staffers at my assisted gave little encouragement so I have, with my son Jeff’s help, been trying to overcome the puzzling details on my own.
I think about COURAGE to CHANGE when I buckle, and the WISDOM TO KNOW the difference when I am about to fall down.
I will not ask what I can accomplish tomorrow nor take it for granted, but it is something I am determined to do with God's grace and direction.
Also with his help, over and over again I overcame the pain of alcoholism, heavy depression, growing old and being cranky. Dr. Paul is Right and St. Francis of Assisi is also right because they endorse love and service of other along with rappers and clappers and snap-chatters.
But first, we had to embrace it, and Second, accept completely the god of our understanding in editions 3 or 4?
Can we share stores about acceptance, and love? And sharing with love?
How have stories increased or decreased a life of acceptance?
Thank you for honor of sharing this meeting.
The book and the topic are now open for sharing.
October 31: Tenth Step Inventory
"As we work the first nine Steps we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we reach Step 10 we commence to put our AA way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test; can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?"
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 88
Since the day I began the Steps with my GROW sponsor, I have done a 10th Step at night and started my day with prayers. My initial 10th Step practice included two questions that have been critical to my spiritual development and emotional sobriety: Have I demonstrated courage and have I expressed my creativity.
Over time I have added different inventories, including one that my partner and I do together. But the habit of starting and ending my day with a focus on my Program has been the backbone of my sobriety. No matter where I am, I take this practice with me.
There was a time no too long ago when I hit the ground each morning in a state of panic or dread. I think of my 10th Step as the frame for each 24 hour period. Knowing that I will be checking in with myself daily helps keeps me Program focused, "under all conditions."
I'd love to hear how you practice the 10th Step. How has it helped you maintain emotional balance and live to good purpose under all conditions? As always, please feel free to share whatever else is on your heart this week.
Thank you for allowing me to be of service.
October 23: Putting sobriety first
I was surprised when I heard 90 meetings in 90 days at my first few meetings. It seemed pretty drastic and I was unsure I was willing to do that. But I took it a day at a time and after a couple of weeks, being sober became more and more important. At first putting sobriety first meant getting to several meetings a week, meeting with my sponsor, working steps participating in meetings. As time has gone on I would also include daily prayer, reviewing my day, talking to someone quickly when I get that uneasy feeling that I've done something wrong or am fearful and also being willing to sponsor other women.
I was told at one time that if I put sobriety first, I would have more than enough time for everything else and that has proved to be true. It also helped me to remember how much time and effort I put into making sure I had enough alcohol and the hours wasted in solitary drinking.
By being a sober member of AA, I have become more available to people in my life and more aware of how to be a useful human being. Trusting that God is taking care of me and that God will show me where and how to be useful is much more rewarding and productive than when I was running the show with selfish motives, motives I was unaware of until I wrote an inventory.
I continue to put sobriety in AA ahead of anything else and as a result everything else is better.
For a topic, what have been the results when you put sobriety first or maybe when you didn't?
October 16: U-Turns. How to handle your mistakes?
Hi. My name is. Michelle. M a. Grateful. Recovering Alcoholic. For our meeting I have chosen Step. 2. God. Allows. U-TURNS. How do you handle your mistakes?
A quote from the 12&12 pg 63. " one of A.A.'s greatest friends said any person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try repeatedly to not repeat their mistakes without reservations whatever has indeed come a long way. It took me many years to develop the honesty to forgive myself and others for my negative actions. I came here beaten by alcohol addiction.
My mind was closed against the grace of God. That was a big mistake. But I had a long and honest sponsor who taught me how to stop fighting everyone and everything. God restored my sanity. Through my pain and suffering I was set free from anger, fear, and found peace. My gratitude speaks from my heart. I love giving back what others gave me. Love for my fellows.
Step 2 taught me that doing the same things (blaming others) over and over is a perfect example of how insane thinking pg 33 God allows. U-TURNS.it starts with me and ends with me. The Steps taught me that true humility, an open mind can lead us to forgiving ourselves. for the mistakes we made during our drinking days and in our sobriety. To thine own self be true.
Today I have a faith unshaken by the mistakes I make. And at every meeting of A.A. is the assurance that God will restore anyone of us who is capable of enough honesty not to take that first drink. Progress not perfection. I never intended to become an alcoholic. My God never intended it either. God allowed me a second chance. I use the 10th step to keep myself honest with my sponsor and family members and all of you.
The Steps helped me let go of my past. How my actions hurt the people I loved. I came here feeling I was a mistake. Why was I even born? On October 4th daily thoughts said " it's not making a mistake that will kill me. It's defending it that does the damage."
My mistakes took my precious daughter Andrea to wake me up. After she walked away from our home. I was left alone. The rest is history. A.A. saved my life. The Steps changed my thinking and gave me a loving God. I made my amends. I corrected my mistakes. I just celebrated my 29th A.A. birthday. I continue to make mistakes. But I know I'm not one today. I thank you beautiful alkies for keeping me right sized and humble.
Congratulations to all our birthdays.
You keep me coming back. Blessings to all of you.
October 9: Dealing with Grief in Sobriety
Last week brought a terrible loss to many of us in GROW with the passing of Jean L., nicknamed Afgo. I am only one of several women who lost not only a good friend, but a sponsor as well. I'm sure that each of us feels the loss very personally. Despite many health problems, Jean was always loving and supportive, even while she was telling hard truths.
There have been many losses for me in sobriety, including beloved pets, my best friend, and my parents. Each one has been difficult, but the AA program gives me many tools and approaches that helps me walk through the grief in a way that would have been impossible when I was drinking. Each loss turned out to be Another F*^&ing Growth Experience, an Afgo.
There were other losses for which I had to grieve when I first got sober. Not drinking meant losing a whole way of life, a set of "friends," and most of all, alcohol itself. At first, the prospect of never drinking again was terrifying. Walking away from people and places left me with a very small social circle. But the biggest loss was the booze itself. It had been the constant in my life for decades, always there to numb my senses and emotions, always there to help me avoid life's stresses and wounds. How was I going to life without it?
Learning to live one day at a time made it easier but, for me, I had to break single days into hours. I had to learn to crawl before I could walk. I had to grieve the loss of a way of life that had become intolerable. I knew it was killing me, but I still felt the loss deeply. I had to write a Dear John letter to my liquid friend. I had to learn how to do things sober. I had to make new friends who did not drink. I had to learn how to cope with uncomfortable feelings. It was the biggest challenge of my life. Thank God for AA, the 12 Steps, and God. Eventually, the hole that not drinking left in my life was filled with hope, love, and confidence.
Please share with us how you have dealt with loss in sobriety, including the loss of alcohol and that way of life.
October 2: Accepting Hardship as the Pathway to Peace
I start many mornings with the long version of the serenity prayer, there is one section I find particularly meaningful: "...Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace."
In the past, I have typically viewed challenges of any size to be my personal burden. I carried the world's problems on my shoulders and assumed that if my life wasn't perfect there must be something wrong with me. I beat myself up constantly, all day, every day. This negative circle of thinking lead me to many emotional and physical problems, the least of which was turning outside of myself to soothe (and numb) my aching, bruised up soul.
Since my sobriety began joining AA and GROW almost 2 years ago, I am beginning to look at life and my role in it so differently. When I read the words "accepting hardship as the pathway to peace" in the morning, my entire being lets out a huge sigh of relief! Just like working out to improve my body's muscles at the gym, each day I am building my emotional and spiritual 'muscles' by accepting all of the issues that inevitably crop up as a routine part of life. Regardless of the size or type of challenge (currently my job and a few painful marital issues), I understand I can face them head on, arm in arm with my HP. I start by admitting my part, then plowing forward with the necessary amends and/or action. I also realize now there are many troubles that I can simply just accept as is.
It's certainly not always an easy path, but I'm becoming stronger and more confident as I soldier through each hill (or mountain!) in front of me. The rewards are magnificently worth it, I find encouragement and comfort knowing the hardship pathway can lead me to peace and serenity.
Please share your thoughts about these words, and if this specific part of the prayer helps you too!
Thank you lovely ladies of GROW, Susan P.
September 25 : Dry Drunk Syndrome
For this meeting I have chosen the topic: Dry Drunk Syndrome. I didn't get here a drink short or a day late. My SD is 9/22/87. By God's grace today is my 29th year sober. Thank you all for sharing in my AA recovery. I chose this topic because I had experience as a dry drunk. Most AA's don't like this name, but I feel it is an important one. AA is truly the best thing that ever happened to me. One alcoholic helping another. A safe place for all of us.
Willingness was key for me. At first, I came here to get my daughter Andrea back. For my first two years, I was a dry drunk. I was full of resentments, anger. Instead of finding joy, peace, and spiritual happiness away from alcohol, I felt like AA was a prison sentence. Lonely. I had a very understanding sponsor. She had everything I wanted. Love for God, love for others, and love for herself. And unconditional love for me. At first the meetings were my Higher Power. I had hope. The only thing I did was not take that first drink. After all, I didn't touch a drop for two years.
Another term we use is "white knuckling" it, holding on until one day we could drink again. If you are an alcoholic like me. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. A pickle will never be turned back into a cucumber. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I was unconscious, I needed a Higher Power. I was not alone anymore. I became open-minded as only the dying could be.
What makes a dry drunk? Here is a list of the Dry drunk syndrome:
(1) impulsive actions. Denial there is a problem
(2) Judgmental, Blaming others, low self-esteem
(3) Complacent, lazy, disinterested in spiritual things, selfish
At two years sober, my life did a 180 turn for the better. Step Two was (page 33, 12&12) the rallying point for me. I was willing to accept a Higher Power. It took work and more work. Getting honest with myself and my sponsor and you. I had humility. God restored my sanity. Thanks for celebrating my birthday with me.
Sobriety is good. By God's grace, I have no desire to drink again. Only a few times in my sobriety have I wanted to drink - when I lost my mother to cancer, and the second time was a situation with my daughter, Carol. What I learned to do when I felt like drinking was to call my sponsor. Newcomers, it does get better. God has blessed me with wonderful sponsees, a good relationship with Him, friends & family ties improved. Keep coming back. It works if we work it, and it don't if we don’t.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope with us.
September 18 : Service
For today’s meeting I have chosen the topic of service.
A cornerstone of our philosophy, reaching out to another alcoholic has saved many an AA old-timer or newcomer from that first drink or drug.
“Practical experience shows nothing will insure immunity from drinking like intensive work with other alcoholic. Carry this message to other alcoholics…it works!” (BB of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 89)
When I got sober in 1984, I started washing coffee cups and ashtrays at the clubhouse where I attended meetings. They were yellow plastic cups, and I stood at that sink for hours: washing, drying, putting away, laughing, and socializing.
At 9 months I was elected secretary of a large morning meeting. My duties included picking up the doughnuts, bringing in coffee from the kitchen, picking a leader, and cleaning the room when it was all over---every Wednesday.
These jobs showed me how to be more giving and also saved my life.
Now I try to be of service on line by answering all the emails in two women’s groups and chairing meetings as often as I can. You can be of service to anyone, non-alcoholics too.
Think about someone else and your own complaints will shrink or disappear.
This quote from the May 2016 Grapevine says it best:
“At six months he was still grumbling, so his sponsor volunteered him to be the group/s coffee maker … though incensed and nervous, he got the job done.
Along the way he learned important things like asking for help, connecting with his Higher Power, becoming responsible to the group, feeling gratitude and thinking of others.”
How has service work been important in your sobriety?
What was your first service position in AA?
Did you accept the job willingly?
What have you learned through service?
September 11 : Do the Next Right Thing
As Bill Sees It, p. 199: "I see "humility for today" as a safe and secure stance midway between violent emotional extremes. It is a quiet place where I can keep enough perspective and enough balance to take my next small step up the clearly marked road that points towards eternal values." (Grapevine, June 1961).
I have always loved our little book 'As Bill Sees It'. There is so much wisdom in those pages. The quote above taken from it translates for me into — do the next right thing. I guess if I say I have some humility today that means I'm not humble! So I won't say that. What I do know is that I am not the same gal I was many years ago when I came into these rooms, ready to surrender it all. I was arrogant, with shockingly low self-esteem. I was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex … as it is said. Life was p-a-i-n-f-u-l to live. Today it is a joy. I experience peace every day, and I laugh a lot. A lot! I love laughing, and can even do it at myself)
The action of the 12 steps in my life has been phenomenal. I no longer crave alcohol or escaping from my hell. I am not responsible for any of this — It was through recognizing my powerlessness that I became whole, little by little. It was and is by surrendering all my 'wants' to a Power greater than me that I have more than I could ever have dreamed of in terms of peace, joy, and serenity. Even in the face of painful situations, there is a fundamental peace, especially when I clock in with that God of mine and spend time in conversation. And listening for the still, small voice. And then trusting it when I hear it. Although it's always good to check in with other alcoholics, sponsor or friend, to make sure I'm still on track! If I am, then this still, small voice becomes stronger, if I nurture it with prayer and meditation and service.
There are no longer violent emotional extremes … wow. I find myself in that 'quiet place' most days. I have perspective and balance (who'd have thunk). When I lose perspective, I have tools to get back to it.
When fear comes in, when I have taken on too much or when I am not trusting that all will be fine, if I but trust in the next step in front of me, I know I am safe. That's all I have to work with — today. And each step I take, one foot in front of the other, cooking something, going to the shops, buying that card, writing that letter, preparing those lessons, showering, weeding, the various projects that give meaning to my life and the tasks associated with them … if I just do a little one of these and then maybe another, well, I am way ahead in the living game!
Do the next right thing is one of my favorite phrases. And I am by nature a control freak, an organizer, a someone who wants to see the whole picture … but it gets easier with time, especially when I experience the great rewards from handing over.
What are your experiences with this? I'm looking forward to reading your ESH but feel free to share on anything you like.
September 4 : Spiritually Fit vs.Bedevilments
Bedevilment's are aspects of the alcoholic's life and personality that are usually in effect before the alcoholic comes into AA and will continue unless the alcoholic actively works the Steps each day.
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people."
Big Book, page 52
The Bedevilment's are:
- We were having trouble with personal relationships,
- we couldn't control our emotional natures,
- we were a prey to misery and depression,
- we couldn't make a living,
- we had a feeling of uselessness,
- we were full of fear,
- we were unhappy,
- we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people
When I am not spiritually fit, I am ALL over page 52, even in sobriety. If I am not spiritually fit, I am on a thinking spree, controlling others from fear, managing their life instead of mine … even when these intentions come from a "good place," thinking I know what's best for them. This is playing God, this is manipulation, this is not turning ALL of my life over, and I am having a Step 3 issues. Only when I am fit can I let others be themselves … Only when I am fit can I stay out of this mind that wants me dead but will settle for me drunk. Only when I am fit am I and those who love me happy.
How I start my day … rolling out of bed, onto my knees … complete surrender … God's/HP will, not mine be done. Not my business how others do life.
Coffee with my journal … Gratitude list, Inventory on my defects, intentions for my day, study Big Book, reach out to sponsees, prayer and meditation … takes about an hour or so. This hour is a small price to pay — actually I enjoy it — to keep me from going on a spree and gives me and my family peace, safety, and happiness. We all deserve this. It's truly up to me to keep fit … or they suffer. I am tired of making others suffer for my defects. It's not their cross to bear, and I refuse to drain people anymore.
My question to you wonderful ladies is: "How do you keep spiritually fit?" What is your daily routine? How do you keep from unmanageability and off of page 52?
August 28 : Attraction not Promotion
I attend four meetings a week, three face-to-face and one online. Two are literature meetings, and two are topic discussions. I hear approximately 60 people per week sharing their experience, strength, and hope with me. There are some that preach the program, and I find them hard to listen to. It is difficult for me to relate because they aren’t sharing how they personally worked what they are talking about. I start to lose interest and feel bored. It reminds me of why I couldn’t understand algebra in high school. I just couldn’t relate or see how it would work in my life. Give me a share where someone relates an experience, and how they used the steps to grow and live through it, and I dive right in. My attention is captured. I have always heard AA is a program of attraction, and it’s here for those who need it, but only those that want it … get it.
The other aspect of someone sharing, in a general way, of what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now, is that I get to know them.
In cyberspace, I read shares. I can’t see you, I don’t know what you look like, what physical ailments you may have or not, whether you’re young or old. I only have what you say, and how sane it is sounding to me. I have learned to have a different level of discernment here in cyberspace than I do in a face-to-face where I can see a person and know right away by the disheveled look to take what they say with caution. AA taught me to take what I need and leave the rest. The Traditions also taught me that I am fully self-supporting declining outside contributions. My sponsor taught me to apply that in ALL areas of my life, emotional and intellectual as well as financial.
Let me wrap this up, dear ladies. I am looking forward to reading about the missteps of taking blind faith and placing too much power in one person or how different sharing styles have affected your sobriety. Please share on the idea that inspires you. And if there is something you need to bring to the tables, please feel free to share that, too.
Thank you for this opportunity of service.
August 21 : Tolerance
As Bill Sees It 203: True Tolerance Gradually we began to accept the other fellow's sins as well as his virtues. We coined the potent and meaningful expression: "Let us always love the best in others - and never fear their worst."
Finally, we began to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. When this happens, we approach true tolerance and we see what real love for our fellows actually means. Grapevine, January 1962; Twelve and Twelve, p.94
Thanks everyone for the opportunity to chair this week's meeting! Congrats to all others also celebrating anniversaries in August and welcome to new members.
I picked this topic because I once heard someone say she regretted her own attitude of indifference towards people. I didn't understand it at the time. Now, a day at a time, I see my own coldness and lack of acceptance of others.
I love the phrase in the reading "Let us always love the best in others - and never fear their worst." I try to say this to myself many times. It is my own mind playing tricks. I seize upon their faults whilst burying my own. Without the steps and faith, I will always be at war - annoyance, irritation, suspicion, jealousy, envy, fear, criticism, anger … it doesn't take a lot, about the size of a grain of sand, to make my own pearl of resentment.
If I want to be at peace with the world around me - and ultimately myself - I need to pray for tolerance and acceptance of others. No matter how much that hurts my pride.
How do you practice tolerance of others?
August 14 : Keeping It Simple!
Here is how I Keep it Simple:
- I acknowledge that LIFE just keeps happening - no matter what I do about it! It’s up to me how I respond to it;
- I accept what is instead of resisting what is placed before me;
- I trust that WHATEVER is placed before me is what my God wants me to take a look at, go through it, and experience the lesson;
- I have TOTAL trust in my Higher Power;
- I look at EVERYTHING as an “opportunity for growth” instead of as a “problem”; and
- I know today that EVERYTHING passes, and I will never experience this moment again and what it holds for me.
I am keeping my discussion on this topic short and simple and look forward to hearing how you keep your life simple today!
August 7 : Staying in the Solution
When I was newly sober there was lots of talk about relapse, the alcoholic mind, being stuck, and that alcoholism continues to progress even without the drink. I would get scared hearing some of this, and I talked to my sponsor about it.
While she had a healthy respect for the disease, she always focused on the solution and she taught me to do that too. She believed the disease progresses without drinking, but that recovery is also progressive, and that I could become a positive presence with friends, family and at work. I started to concentrate on that, and the fear started to diminish.
At the end of the month, I am going on a 10-day silent retreat. As it gets closer, I find that I am a bit fearful. I’m not sure what the fear is, but I am asking God to remove it and trying to stay in today.
For a topic please share about staying in the solution, living in today, and/or how you deal with fear.
July 31 : Cravings
In the Big Book, the Doctors Opinion states "All these and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence."
I have to say that I have read many newcomers and others struggling in this group with cravings, and I am one of them. People, places, things, and stressors that I cannot always avoid seem to be the triggers that get my cravings moving.
How harsh the craving ends up being seems to depend on how quickly I can remember to surrender to my HP and move back to steps 1-3. But I am definitely not perfect, so I can say that's not always pretty for me.
I'd love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly on cravings this week. ESH is needed for those of us who have these tough times, particularly the newcomers in early sobriety and would be very much welcome.
So please feel free to share on this topic or any other burning desire.
July 24 : First Things First
For this week’s topic I have chosen the slogan First Things First.
Of all AA’s saying, quotes and slogans, FTF is most useful for me.
When struck with a great loss: a loved one dies, a sudden financial crisis or critical health issue, I stop my tracks, “pause when agitated” and then go to my Higher Power for guidance.
With His help, I can usually see the solution. Then I think: what do I do first, second, third, and so forth.
What DO I do first? We are running out of money before I get paid again. Do I pay the phone bill or buy my heart medicine? Should the rent check or the car payment be late?
Common values and personal circumstances help me decide, along with prayers for answers from my Higher Power.
“If we always put first things first, we shall have all our actions, thoughts, living, wishes in order and without conflict.” (Central Committee Newsletter for Western New York and Niagara Frontier, March 2008).
“If things are too out of order we get friction, conflict, disorder, unhappiness and frustration.”
When I am puzzled about what is the next right thing and there seem to be 2 or 3, I know I have a choice. Again, I ask HP for direction.
“We receive guidance for our lives just to the extent we stop demands that God give it to us on our order and our terms.” (12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 104)
"The moment we catch a glimpse of God’s will, and see truth, justice and love as the real and eternal things in life despite evidence to the contrary in purely human affairs, we know that God lovingly watches over us." (p. 105).
How have you practiced First Things First in your life? Please share with us how the slogan has made a difference.
July 17 : Forgiving Ourselves
For myself, this was a difficult journey, especially in the beginning. I had hurt so many people directly or indirectly by either cheating, stealing, lying, physically or emotionally hurting them, and losing my son for almost two years. The pain of all the chaos I had caused was overwhelming.
Only by praying to my Higher Power and working my program was I able to forgive myself a little bit at a time. It has not been an easy journey to do this, but well worth it. With perseverance and rigourous honesty, I have been able to work through all these issues.
Occasionally, a memory will come back to me even today, and I will pray for forgiveness again and, if possible, make amends.
We need to forgive ourselves in order to get better. Without self-forgiveness, we are constantly in a spiral of guilt.
So dear ladies, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself because God has. Please feel free to share how you are doing this and your progress. Let your Higher Power, AA, and your sponsor help you on your journey to wellness.
July 10 : Halfway Through …
I got sober in December 2014 and, right from the beginning, I was comforted by what the Promises offered. I have clung to those and listened to shares about the Promises coming true. Over the past 18 months I've seen it, felt it, and experienced it personally.
I was at a meeting recently, and there was a lot of sharing around the 9th Step Promises. As I was listening, I had a bit of an epiphany regarding this line: "we will be amazed before we are half way through."
I started to question what this meant and why no one has ever explained to me what exactly this means. So I started thinking about this — before we are halfway through … halfway through with what? The Steps, the traditions, the BB, or our amends? Could it be something else, something bigger than that?
I decided it wasn't really defined because it's something that's personal to you. It could be a struggle you're going through, a personal tragedy, a conversation/argument, an illness … the list of possibilities is endless. I have been in the middle of my day and realized I was halfway through it or frustrated with something going on and relying on the hope that it's almost complete.
Have you ever thought about this? For this week's topic, I would love to hear how being "halfway through" relates to you and your sobriety.
July 3 : Keep it all in perspective
Two days ago I celebrated 11 years sober. Honestly, it kind of snuck up on me! My daily life is filled with some pretty serious and devastating illnesses. My focus is always on them. That made me feel like I’d screwed up my priorities by pushing sobriety to the back burner. Yet, in truth, the reality is that I have to keep my perspective right, or priorities don’t even come into play. If I don’t keep my health condition in check, I can’t stay sober — crashing health-wise would send me straight to the bottle.
So, is my perspective right? It is now. I was loading up the guilt and laying stuff on me that just isn’t true.
Other things happen in life that can do the same thing, but I just refuse to pick up a drink! No matter what occurs in life, if I keep my perspective, I can make it through it, honestly, steady, committed, and yes, drink-free.
How is your perspective? Let’s hear about it.
June 26 : The Gift of Sobriety
If I do not pick up a drink in the next four days, I will celebrate 20 years without a drink this coming Thursday. It is amazing to me to reach this milestone, for when I came back to AA in 1996, I didn't believe I could stop drinking. I took my first drink when I was 17 and my last drink when I was 49. Along the way, drugs were part of my story too.
Because I knew I couldn't quit, I never tried. In all those 32 years, I think two weeks was the longest I went without getting drunk or high. I never doubted that I was an alcoholic and addict, and I never fought it either. I came to AA the first time in 1987, and until 1990, I went to a meeting every day and drank every day. I'd have downed a 6-pack before the meeting, and usually there was a cooler in my car so that I could start drinking again immediately after the meeting. The people at the meeting never judged me. They just told me to keep coming back.
I managed to finally go to treatment and then go 15 months before a 5-year relapse when I swore I would never go back to AA. In those early days, I wasn't ready. I wasn't willing to do what people suggested. I just wanted my husband off my back. In my heart, I knew I was a hopeless drunk. I didn't fight it. But after five years and a painful bottom, that moment finally came when I just couldn't do it anymore. In the middle of a rage, my HP showed me what I had become - an angry, foul-mouthed, drunk woman. That was my moment of clarity. I sat on the edge of my bed and said out loud, "It's time to go back."
This time, I didn't have to go through the meetings-drinking merry-go-round. This time, when I walked out of that first meeting, I had a choice. I could say no to that beer. The compulsion to drink was gone. The obsession lingered for a few months, but I finally had a choice, and I had the strength to make the right choice.
I did not earn my seat in AA, nor did I deserve it. It was a gift of grace from a God I still do not understand. For me, AA has been God's handmaiden. God gave me the ability not to drink, and AA has given me the ability to live life on life's terms. Doing the 12 Steps made it possible to put the past behind me, to live one day at a time without mind-altering substances, and to be reasonably happy.
For me, AA is the solution to my life-long pursuit of oblivion and emotional numbness. Without it, I would have drunk or used myself to death. There is no doubt about that in my mind. God gave me the willingness to follow directions. Alcohol gave me the fear of who I become when I drink. It is not easy, but it is simple. All I have to do is follow "a few simple rules," and life gets better.
For those who are struggling, if sobriety can happen for me, it can happen for anyone. I was a hopeless case. I went to AA and still drank regularly. I left AA and swore I would never go back. I drank and drugged for more than 30 years with no thought of ever stopping. Yet, God still found me worthy of the gift of sobriety. AA gave me the gift of living normal, sober life. I do not know whether I will ever drink again, but I know I will not drink today. That's all that matters. Just for today, I can get through anything because there is a solution available to me as long as I stay willing to do the footwork.
This week, I'd like to hear what "the Gift of Sobriety" means to you. Of course, please share on anything that you need to.
June 19 : Emotional Hangovers
Thank you for the opportunity to chair this meeting following my recent celebration of 27 years of continuous sobriety on June 17th. I am happy to still be a sober member who is working and living the AA program to the best of my ability. I am so grateful that I was given the chance at a better life. All I had to do was to ask my God for help, take advantage of the help that was so freely given by people like you, follow the principles and work the program, and trust that God would do for me what I couldn't do for myself.
Today, I would like to talk about feelings/emotions we all have from time to time even when we are not drinking and what we can do about them by working the Steps. I will also tie in with the topic from last week on getting rid of resentments.
I know that I've had many, many hangovers from drinking in the past where I was sick, sorry, disgusted, fed up, anxious and full of worry from my behaviour the night before. Sometimes I get those feelings in sobriety so today I'd like to touch on the emotional hangover. What is it anyway? Please keep an open mind.
Pages 88-89 of the Twelve and Twelve tell us: "But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion - anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now … "
Yes, I have had emotional hangovers in sobriety, and they usually end up with me thinking that I'm a terrible person and saying, 'when will I ever learn.' I used to get them when I lost my temper and got into arguments. These days, I 'intuitively know' when I have said or done something that not only has hurt another person but has destroyed my sense of well-being. I get a feeling of a hole in the pit of my stomach, and my head begins to review what happened and what I can do about it. My sponsor is a great listener and provides me with meaningful suggestions that have worked for her over the years.
Through working the Steps, I have gained insight into the cause and consequences of my actions and have lost most of my passion for arguments and temper tantrums. Steps 1 through 9 teach me how to deal with my feelings towards people, places, and things so that I avoid a resentment, and Steps 10 to 12 show me how to do it to maintain my serenity. Specifically, Step 10 tells me how to deal with a budding resentment and that is to deal with it immediately before it becomes full-blown and to make the appropriate amends.
If I find myself hanging on to a resentment, I 'intuitively' go to my favourite story in the Big Book: Freedom from Bondage - Page 552 - and pray for the person I'm resenting until I can see him/her as just another person who can make mistakes just as I do. What I've found out over time, is that the very thing that I can't overlook in others is the very thing of which I am guilty. Over time, the resentment is gradually relieved, and my sense of personal well-being and peace returns. What a program we have through the Big Book which I've always referred to as my "Guide to Life"!
Do you have moments/times of "Emotional Hangovers"? How do you deal with them? Please feel free to share on this topic or on anything else that's going on with you that you'd like to get off your chest. Thanks for giving me this opportunity and for trudging along with me on the 'Road of Happy Destiny'.
June 12 : Letting Go of Resentments
Been thinking about the sunshine the last few days. I need it, the grey /dark/rainy days get to me. This past week, I was sitting on the porch and had to keep moving to a different chair as the light moved and was in my eyes. The thought struck me about what the BB says about being in the sunlight of the spirit. I feel so much better when I am in the sunlight both figuratively and physically. I looked up the passage in the BB about the sunlight, here it is:
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
I can really see when I hold on to the angry, resentful feelings, I move into a very dark place -- one that pushes me toward thinking of a drink. It struck me that I can choose that dark place or I can choose to be in the sunlight place. I struggle with anger and anxiety, but why? My sponsor often asks me what am I getting out of it. I don't like that question but it's a valid one. Especially when I can choose to let things go (stop harboring resentments) and be in the "sunlight." It's a much better place to be.
Please feel free to share your ESH on letting go of resentments.
June 5 : Expect Miracles Big and Small
Excerpts from the Big Book:
“In working the steps, my life changed. I think differently today; I feel different today. I am new. We have a sign at the A.A. meetings I go to that says ‘Expect A Miracle.’ My sobriety is full of miracles.”
“Today my life is filled with miracles big and small, not one of which would ever have come to pass had I not found the door of Alcoholics Anonymous.”
I wanted to share a recent experience as to how my life has changed since I stopped drinking and began participating in AA 16 months ago.
My story took place at Disneyland during my 60th birthday celebration a couple of months ago. My husband and I were there for four days with my daughter and two grandkids. It was the night before my actual birthday. I was really looking forward to turning 60 at a park where I "grew up," and it was such a blessing to celebrate with my loved ones. As we were having dinner on my birthday-eve, my husband got a call from work and found out that he needed to address a critical issue immediately. (I had hoped he wasn't even going to bring his work laptop on the trip in the first place, but he insisted he had to, 'just in case'.) So when he got the call, my heart sank as I realized this could ruin the celebrating planned for the next day. The subsequent emotions that follow when circumstances don't go my way immediately set in, including anger and self-pity. (How could his work possibly be more important than my milestone birthday?!)
As I started to react the same way that I always have in the past, somehow I managed to put the brakes on. I looked at my husband's face after the work call came in and noticed how upset and stressed he was. In the past, I used to think he wanted work to interrupt our leisure time because he likes to be plugged into a computer. But I could clearly see (since my mind was “all there”) that wasn't the case. Instead of giving him my usual rant and rave routine, I gave him a great big kiss and told him I loved him. He reacted like a prince (we were after all at Disneyland!). He stayed at the park with us as long as he could until 9pm, carried his sleeping grandson back to our hotel, then logged onto work for 3 hours so he could finish in time to celebrate my birthday. This was small miracle #1. The next morning (my birthday), he actually left his cell phone locked in our hotel room so that work could not reach him. Leaving his phone behind? This is unheard of, large miracle #2.
Had I been drinking through this trip, the call from his work would have triggered a huge fight. I'm quite sure the change in my reaction was because I was 100% sober, not to mention a few new "tools" in the box. Because I reacted unselfishly (for a change), it worked out so much better for everyone. I owe that to my sobriety (i.e., GROW, A.A. and God).
There is plenty more work ahead for me, but I do see a pattern of miracles big and small in many areas of my life since I became sober. When I'm socializing with family or friends, I listen to what they are saying and 'connect' with them because I'm not worried that my wine glass is getting empty and how quickly I can fill it. My daughter sent me flowers on Mother's Day and thanked me for being there for her. My brain is clear which makes me a more productive employee. I am generally a better wife, mother, and grandmother. I apologize more often and promptly which means I sleep better at night. And the list goes on … I’m so grateful to be sober!
I would be honored to hear about any miracles big and small that are part of your life today.