Weekly Topics - January - June 2014
June 29 : The Fourth Dimension
"We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed." -There Is a Solution, Alcoholics Anonymous
I love this sentence in the Big Book, and I was hoping some of you amazing ladies would share on what it means to you. Have you been rocketed to the fourth dimension? Have you found much of heaven in sobriety? Is it different than what you imagined?
I'm Julie M., and I am definitely an alcoholic. I'm grateful to be chairing this meeting. When I first heard this sentence read, I was in rehab, and I couldn't even understand what the Big Book was talking about. The only way I had ever been rocketed anywhere was through addiction, and I didn't believe that sobriety could bring me health, let alone heaven.
If only I had known how wrong I was! But at 19 years old, during my first attempt at sobering up, I had no idea about anything. For some reason, that sentence stuck with me, though. I've heard it time and time again, sometimes when spiritually fit, sometimes when not, always with a sense of hope attached to it.
When I came into AA after my last relapse, I was Empty: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically empty. I had nothing left, no excuses and no friends. I was 23 years old and I couldn't take it anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I had lost myself so completely that I had to rebuild my life step by step, moment by moment. I had to learn how to live, from basic things like what to eat, to big emotional issues like who to date and when to end a relationship. Before getting sober, the only way I knew how to end a relationship was to cheat on someone, then get drunk and tell them about it.
Part of the fourth dimension of existence that I inhabit today is my relationship with my husband. On Monday, June 30, we will be married 2 years, and I requested to chair this meeting because it was close to my anniversary and my marriage, to me, is a beautiful reminder of how much I've grown in this program.
When I met my husband, I had just under three years of sobriety. I feel like I've grown up with him, because in a way I have. My life today is not fabulous or perfect all the time, but it's honest and true and real. I have a family all my own. I have a job that I love more than anything in the world. I have friends, and I am a friend.
This is my heaven - it's right-sized for me, and in it I stay humble. I have found myself over the past seven years of my sobriety. Some of what I have found is not pretty, and some of it is just surprising! But it's all based on truth that I discovered through the Steps and my HP.
This fourth dimension I've been rocketed into is nothing like what I imagined. When I got sober, I dreamed of a big, fancy life with a big, fancy job. In sobriety, I discovered that what I needed wasn't big or fancy. What I need is to live this program to the best of my ability, and sometimes that means donating my last dollar. Sometimes that means admitting I'm wrong.
Most days, my program is a simple matter of HOW: honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. I hope this topic resonates with some of you, and that you all have a lovely 24 hours ahead! Thanks for letting me share.
June 22 : Service
I have chosen 'Service' as my topic this week in memory and appreciation of how my AA journey started 25 years ago.
Being of service in AA is something to which we can all relate from the minute we start showing up at meetings and sharing at the tables. From there, the possibilities and opportunities for service are many. Thank heaven for all of those alkies who came before me to keep AA going and growing! Without their service, who knows where I'd be today?
From the get-go, my first sponsor gave me a great picture of how alcoholics pass on to others what they've been given. At my 6-month sober mark, she and her husband took me to a meeting in a correctional institute for men that they set up every week and had been doing so for a number of years.
Although I was a bit leery at first, the meeting was worth it (driving through a snowstorm, getting checked out by a guard, and drinking whatever it was that they called, "Coffee" LOL). To see a rough, tough-looking group of guys sitting up, paying attention and sharing was an eye-opener for me. Grant you, some of them were likely not alcoholics but they were there and were well-behaved. (I half-expected trouble of some sort but that didn't happen.) Because of this experience, a few years later I applied for, and received, clearance at the women's correctional institute to help put on meetings there once a month (groups in the area rotated on chairing the meetings). However, once I realized that this was not the best kind of service work for me, I stopped going and continued with my service at the group level.
During my first 6 months, I learned how important it was to participate in service to my group. 'Someone' had to open the church, make coffee, set up the meeting, pass out the books at the discussion meetings and put them away again, clean up after the meeting, and lock the doors.
I volunteered to make coffee for 3 months and was paired up with someone to show me the ropes. That was a fun time for me. I made fast friends with the set-up people and my co-coffee person, and really got to know the people who always arrived early to the meetings. Once the coffee was made, I'd go outside to have a smoke and shoot the breeze with whoever was out there.
After the coffee pots were cleaned and put away, a group of us would then go out for coffee and a light snack. I heard lots of great and horror stories at those after-meeting meetings and came to realize that those AAers weren't saints but were very much like myself. It helped me even more to realize that I finally fit in somewhere - here with a bunch of drunks/good people who I would never have met if I were not an alcoholic.
I took the risk and began to share at meetings. I had a sponsor (a lady who had what I wanted) who encouraged me to share with others about how I got sober and how my life had changed. As a result, I was privileged to sponsor women, most of whom are still sober today.
For many years, I've been involved in AA online (email) groups and have held positions such as Secretary, Listkeeper, Birthday Announcer, and Business Chair. Also, as part of my giving back to AA, I maintained and updated the Toronto Intergroup Meetings on their Website which involved approximately 400 meetings.
I am also an online sponsor and enjoy the challenges and joys of working with sponsees.
Part of my service also involves donating to the 7th Tradition in order to help keep AA alive. Because I go to very few f2f meetings any more, I contribute annually during Gratitude Month in our area. Also, I have the opportunity to contribute financially to GROW on a monthly basis when the 7th Tradition is passed in order to cover expenses such as list server, website fees, and contributions to the General Service Office of AA.
In AA, we learn that the more we give away, the more we receive. Have you started your service work yet? I would like to hear from each of you about how you got started in service and the rewards/blessings you have received or are receiving as a result. I look forward to hearing from you.
June 15 : Willingness, Patience and Labor
In looking for a topic, I found this paragraph from Chapter 11, A Vision For You, from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (page 162-3.)
"Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: "I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that." But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor."
Willingness, patience and labor. These were skills that I did not possess prior to coming to these rooms. I was irritable and discontent, to say the least. I was rigid and impatient. I wasn't doing to do any work. I did the minimum, I did enough to get by... I was afraid of failing, and I was afraid of succeeding. I didn't realize that all my defects were rooted in fear. I don't know where the fear came from. But as I drank more and more, the fear grew more and more.
I am so grateful that when I entered these rooms, I was desperate enough to follow suggestions. I was able to listen to what you all had to say. I didn't have to pray to be willing, I didn't have to pray to be patient. I was told that I had to do the work and it would happen. And it did. A miracle!
By working the steps, I have developed a relationship with the God of my understanding. I no longer feel alone. What a gift! What's even better about this feeling I have today, is that it keeps growing. By doing the next right thing, the peace and serenity grows day to day... Some days it may not be as strong, but I don't worry. I pray for willingness, patience and love. Life happens and today I trust that if I stay the course, I will be ok.
Please share on growing in willingness, patience and or labor. Or whatever may be on your mind. Thank you!
June 8 : Change vs. Complacency
"Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change." page 84 Alcoholics Anonymous. There are so many references to change in the Big Book. When I came into AA, I had no idea that it was so much more than just quitting drinking. I knew that I had problems with anxiety and depression and thought that I could just drink to self-medicate. I didn't realize at the time that my thinking was self-centered, selfish, and warped. AA has given me an "Attitude Adjustment."
I've had to change my "playmates and playgrounds." For me, it works best if I stay away from slippery slopes. I still have a long way to go. I just completed my 4th Step for which I am so grateful! As I go through more of the Steps with my sponsor, I will continue to grow more in this program and can hopefully maintain a positive, helpful attitude. With this "new" attitude, I need to continue to carry the message and constantly look for opportunities to be of service.
"Change we must; we cannot stand still." from "As Bill Sees It," page 25. This is such a good reminder that I cannot be complacent! I need to be active in AA. This is a program of action that we hear all of the time. When I start putting other things before AA and make excuses for not going to meetings, that should be a red flag for me. This past week I was not going to hardly any meetings, and I was procrastinating completing my 4th Step. My anxiety began to increase, and I felt more overwhelmed. I went to my homegroup today, and I felt so much better.
Ladies, I would love to hear what you have to say. Please feel free to share on what changes you have had to go through in AA and what that has meant for you in sobriety and also if you have had times of complacency in your AA program.
June 1 : Bondage of Self
The Buddha said that Self is the cause of all suffering. Krishna said that the Self is our worst enemy and our best friend. A dear AA friend said, "I may not be much, but I'm all I ever think about." I think all of those quotes apply to me.
I believed this for many years, but I couldn't seem to do anything about it until I finally put down the bottle, worked the 12 steps, and made recovery my top priority. Doing the steps helped me see that the more I focused on *me,* my needs and desires, my pain and disappointments, and my image, the less happy I was. AA and the steps taught me that the more I stay out of Self, the less unhappy I am.
I think "I may not be much, but I'm all I ever think about" could be the best self-description. Even today, it's true. But today, I know that devoting mySelf to serving my HP and serving him through others is the only way to stop thinking about me.
AA has taught me that what others think of me is none of my business. It's taught me that what *I* think of me is none of my business. Focusing on me, for me, inevitably means focusing on my disappointments in life, my shortcomings, what I want that I lack, and how life has generally let me down. It is always about Self-esteem. It always ends there.
AA teaches me that the only thing that is important is that I do the right thing one day at a time. Focusing on others leads me to recognize how fortunate I am, the positive contributions I make, what I have rather than what I lack, how beautiful my HP is, and how I am loved. Focusing on the needs of others keeps me sober.
Now, to be honest, I am not very successful at moving the spotlight of my mind away from Self and onto Others. It is hard work, and it takes a lot of practice. But the rewards motivate me to keep trying. And isn't that what it's all about? Practice, not perfection.
Please share with us this week about what "bondage of self" means to you and your sobriety.
May 25 : Belief in a Higher Power
For today's topic I have chosen our society's journey into the realm of a Spiritual Awakening through our belief in a Higher Power.
Chapter 4 in the Big Book, pp. 47-52, We Agnostics, debates this: "... we did not have to consider another's conception of God; our own however inadequate was sufficient to make the approach and effect a contact with Him." Then, "... as soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence and a Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things we began to possess a new power and direction provided that we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms on those who seek him. To us the reality of the spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek; it is open we believe to all men.
Later our ideas did not work. But the God idea did."
Perhaps read Chapter 4 for the first time or read it again and recount how you came to believe in the Power needed for a spiritual experience; we learned that power could be a great figure: Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Moses or a peasant, a doorknob or even the Alcoholics Anonymous Group. No edict says we must believe in God to be a member of AA.
Tell us how you came to believe and whether your concept of God is changing.
May 18 : Living the Serenity Prayer
I chose this topic because since I admitted I was an alcoholic to the point of reaching out for help and going into rehab, the Serenity Prayer has many times been my lifeline. Being raised a strict Catholic all my life and attending 12 years of Catholic school and one summer at a convent thinking I would become a nun (for my Dad), I am sure somewhere along the line I had heard the Serenity Prayer, but it was not at all what I knew until I went into rehab. We gathered together, held hands and said this prayer often in rehab.
When I got out of rehab and went back to work I used the prayer often as I had to deal with pricing alcohol on a daily basis and I would say the Serenity Prayer over and over.
Then one night, I was sitting at home wanting to pick up that drink so I immediately starting saying the Serenity Prayer very slowly and dissecting what I was saying. God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I could not change the fact that I was an alcoholic and I could not ever pick up another drink no matter what, and I could not change people, places or things.
The Courage to change the things I can. To me that meant changing within myself and not trying to change situations that were beyond me. I could only change my thoughts, feelings and emotions maybe brought on by other people, places and things.
And the Wisdom to know the difference. Your will God not mine be done. This part was a toughie for me at first because I did not know where that wisdom was going to come from. Then it was like a spiritual awakening for me when something happened, and God gave me the answer through another person. Wow that was the wisdom, going to meetings getting a sponsor, working the steps, committing to service work, but most important of all this was surrendering my life and giving my will to the God of my understanding, and he in turn would give me that wisdom to know the difference.
One day at a time and living the Serenity Prayer has truly gotten me to where I am in my program today. It has made the tough times so much easier, the sad times and the good times. When I say the Serenity Prayer every morning and every night and often times during the day it helps me so much to live life on life's terms. Now I am by no means perfect at this, but I put as much into it as I can.
Thank you ladies for allowing me to chair this week and being such a big part of my journey in sobriety and the beautiful spiritual life I have gained from being an alcoholic. Please share on this or any thing that you might need to share on this week.
May 11 : The Ninth Promise
"Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us". Searching around in my mind for a topic, this is what settled with me. All the Promises have materialized in my life except ... economic security. I constantly feel I am either doing or not doing something 'right' here. I've been sober a long time, yes, and I don't mean that I am afraid of losing what I have in terms of financial security. Rather, I mean that I never truly have enough!
Now, this has something to do with me being a single mother for many years, and us surviving on one income. Bringing up a son and attempting to give him the best I can costs not just in emotional terms but in financial terms. And I also think it has to do with my being an underachiever, which is still there to a degree with me. I'm getting older (a youthful 61, I like to think!) but I have so much still in me in terms of unmined talent, I feel, if I am being honest. I would like to put any gifts I have to good use before I expire lol.
Money - materialism- has never been to the fore of my mind. When I walked away from my marriage in 1981, the year before I got sober, I walked away from a beautiful six-bedroomed home, and financial security (my guilt at the time stopped me from pursuing what would have been rightfully mine as half of that partnership, but that's water under the bridge now). If I had stayed in that marriage, I would never have gotten sober, I do believe.
And sobriety has brought me undreamed-of rewards in terms of a wonderful peace of mind, healed relationships, self-knowledge, ability to go out to others, an education to post-grad level, the chance to be a mother again, but not the job that might have come with it, bringing increasing financial security.
I'm asking God as I understand Him, lately more than ever, for guidance and awakening in this area. I lost my job of twelve years recently and am about to attend my second interview about going self employed e.g. private tuition, proofreading, community association classes. I'm not naturally a business-headed woman so I'm a little apprehensive about this!
What are your experiences around financial insecurity/security? Are you an overachiever or an underachiever? Do you feel there is potential within you that has still not been realized (I guess this relates to last week's topic here- the woman I would like to be).
We're all different- and that's good! My strengths might not be yours, and your might not be mine. So, I invite you to share on your strengths and weaknesses in this area :) I remain teachable, thank heavens, and I have much to learn.
May 4 : The Woman I Always Wanted To Be
Before sobriety I was that hopeless "victim," expecting everybody to take care of me, be responsible for my actions, and meet my needs! I honestly thought the world owed me a living and that I was that "hip, slick and cool" chick who lived so very spontaneously and was a rare human being -- and definitely the most popular! I had it all -- so I thought!
The funny part about this today as I look back is that I had to make MANY geographics, as when people got tired of my "act" and stopped taking care of me, I had to move on to new proving grounds!
My life, as it were, changed drastically when I entered the rooms of AA and a very tough and feisty woman became my sponsor! She started talking about my Ego!!! "What is that?" I thought. "Not me! I don't have an ego!" Wellllllllllll, she immediately started me working the Steps, which I did not do honestly the first time around! It wasn't until about my 2nd year of sobriety that I actually got down and worked our beautiful Steps thoroughly and honestly -- which totally changed my life! I started my journey from "her majesty, the baby" to the emotionally mature woman I always wanted to be!
I recently read in a meditation that to the Greeks, excellence was achieved when people became all they could be. And accomplishing that meant finding as many balances in life as possible. Their ideal, unlike ours, was "moderation in all things"!
I have found that my only opponents are my own deficiencies! And to understand my own personal brand of self-defeating thought patterns is to be forewarned!!! The survival of my self-esteem requires adaptation!
Successes, like disappointments, are opportunities for surrender. I have to remind myself that I will never fully experience how positive is this moment of success if I move right into the next available negative emotion!
Today I celebrate a success, large or small! I am becoming the woman I always wanted to be!
Are you the woman you always wanted to be? Are you on the path of being the woman you always wanted to be? Are you the woman you don't want to be?
April 27 : Dealing With and Accepting Loss
Hi everyone, I am so honored for this opportunity to chair the meeting this week. To tell you the truth, this is the very first meeting that I have ever chaired so I am a little nervous. First of all, I would like to say a big welcome to all the new members. I wish you many blessings on your journey.
For this week's topic, I would like to share about what is going on in my life. My family and I are dealing with a great loss. My cousin has been fighting cancer for almost ten months now. The doctors are now saying that there is nothing more that can be done. She has refused hospice so we are stepping up to the plate and taking care of her. The cancer has spread to basically everywhere in her body, including her brain. She is not the same person that she was before; I don't even recognize her anymore. Her personality is distorted; it is like she isn't even there. She stares out into space and falls asleep in the middle of things. Every time she falls asleep, I fear that she is going into a coma. My heart stops every time that happens. She needs help doing everything; as a result, taking care of her is a 24 hour job. She needs help going to the bathroom, taking a bath, and most everything else.
The other day I gave my cousin her medication; she took it again by herself. I felt so responsible because I should have been watching her better. I am very angry that she won't get the help that she needs, but I know I have to let that go. It is her choice and this is what she wants.
It is very hard to watch someone you love slip away and know that you can't do anything to change it. My emotions are all over the place. I am trying to stay strong for everyone and trying to take care of myself all at the same time. It is very hard to do, and I'm not good at it at all. I am dealing with it the best way I can but I feel like I am failing. I am so grateful that I can be here for her and that I am able to take care of her. My accepting of all this comes and goes. As soon as I give it to God, I take it back. However, I give it right back to God again.
My biggest fear is that after she dies and everything settles down again, I might pick up a drink. I am already so very overwhelmed with everything that is going on and I now it is going to get worse. I already don't want to feel.
I know this is a lie that I am telling myself, and I know drinking will only make things worse, not better. It is truly a blessing to have this program and the blessings that come along with it. I am a miracle and so are all of you women. I would love to hear how you have made it through losing a loved one, a job, or anything you can think of. We are strong women and with help we can make it through anything. Thank you so much for listening and helping me through this.
April 20 : Honesty
I have had some "growing" recently regarding honesty. I try rigorously to be honest and yet, others do not. It is very hard to accept this when their dishonesty directly affects me. "How it Works" has been helpful to me in accepting others decisions...
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."
In my own life "the truth will set you free" has been proven time and time again. Once I got honest with myself, great things happened 4 years ago!!!
Please share your experience, strength and hope when it comes to being honest with oneself and others.
April 13 : What does a sponsor do and not do?
* A sponsor does everything possible, within the limits of personal experience and knowledge, to help the newcomer get sober and stay sober through the A.A. program.
* Shows by present example and drinking history what A.A. has meant in the sponsor's life.
* Encourages and helps the newcomer to attend a variety of A.A. meetings -- to get a number of viewpoints and interpretations of the A.A. program.
* Suggests keeping an open mind about A.A. if the newcomer isn't sure at first whether he or she is an alcoholic.
* Introduces the newcomer to other members.
* Sees that the newcomer is aware of A.A. literature, in particular the Big Book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and Grapevine, As Bill Sees It, Living Sober, and suitable pamphlets.
* Is available to the newcomer when the latter has special problems.
* Goes over the meaning of the Twelve Steps, and emphasizes their importance.
* Urges the newcomer to join in group activities as soon as possible.
* Impresses upon the newcomer the importance of all our Traditions.
* Tries to give the newcomer some picture of the scope of A.A., beyond the group, and directs attention to A.A. literature about the history of the Fellowship, the Three Legacies, the service structure, and the worldwide availability of A.A. -- wherever the newcomer may go.
* Explains the program to relatives of the alcoholic, if this appears to be useful, and tells them about Al-Anon Family Groups and Alateen.
* Quickly admits, "I don't know" when that is the case, and helps the newcomer find a good source of information.
* The sponsor encourages the newcomer to work with other alcoholics as soon as possible, and sometimes begins by taking the newcomer along on Twelfth Step calls.
* Never takes the newcomer's inventory except when asked.
* Never tries to impose personal views on the newcomer. A good sponsor who is an atheist does not try to persuade a religious newcomer to abandon faith, nor does a religious sponsor argue theological matters with an agnostic newcomer.
* Does not pretend to know all the answers, and does not keep up a pretense of being right all the time.
* An A.A. sponsor does not offer professional services such as those provided by counselors, the legal, medical or social work comunities, but may sometimes help the newcomer to access professional help if assistance outside the scope of A.A. is needed.
*The sponsor underscores the fact that it is the A.A. recovery program -- not the sponsor's personality or position -- that is important. Thus, the newcomer learns to rely on the A.A. program, not on the sponsor.
Summary
Most present members of Alcoholics Anonymous owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a special interest in them and was willing to share a great gift with them.
Sponsorship is merely another way of describing the continuing special interest of a seasoned member that can mean so much to a newcomer turning to A.A. for help.
Individuals and groups cannot afford to lose sight of the importance of sponsorship, the importance of taking a special interest in a confused alcoholic who wants to stop drinking. Experience shows clearly that the members getting the most out of the A.A. program, and the groups doing the best job of carrying the A.A. message to still suffering alcoholics, are those for whom sponsorship is too important to be left to chance.
By these members and groups, sponsorship responsibilities are welcomed and accepted as opportunities to enrich personal A.A. experience and to deepen the satisfactions that come from working with others.
I took several paragraphs out of the pamphlet for AA Sponsorship to discuss for our meeting this week.
I have had a bumpy road when it came to sponsorship, because I was looking for friendship and approval, and I choose someone who had common interests, and not worked all 12 steps. Other times I put too much dependence upon my sponsors and relied on them, not the AA program. In both cases, although, I became dissappointed with the results,
It wasn't the AA program that failed me, it was choices based on self, that failed.
In each case I walked away stronger in program values, having learned valuable lessons.
Please share on what strikes a cord in your heart, or anything else you may need to share about.
April 6 : The Spiritual Life is Not a Theory
I was listening to a CD in the car on the way to my home group this morning. The speaker has been sober for a few 24 hours and was talking about the quote from the Big Book: "The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it." I would like to share with you how I have been doing that during this past year.
As many of you know, I'm not new to AA. I started in AA in September 2008 when I went to outpatient treatment for 5 weeks. I relapsed at about 5 1/2 months and then got a new sponsor. I worked with a great sponsor and started working on my 4th step. I was going to a lot of meetings in my home town (at night).
I had about 18 months of sobriety when I met a man in AA at one of my meetings. Long story short, I had an affair with him for 6 months, relapsed twice, didn't listen to my sponsor and to my next sponsor. I nearly lost my husband and children. I was so spiritually sick, that even after my husband found out about the affair, and we were in therapy together, I continued to try to make contact with this man. It finally ended once and for all in 2012.
I continue to this day to go to women's only face-to-face meetings. My husband and I are still together and are still in therapy. I was trying to fill that hole inside of me with not only alcohol, but then this relationship, and then with binge eating of sweets. I have had several more sponsors since. Unfortunately, I also have relapsed several more times after that. I went back to the outpatient treatment program in December of 2012 for 5 weeks and then relapsed again April 4, 2013.
Looking back, I realize that I only thought I was living and working a spiritual program. I certainly wasn't working an honest program! I thought that I could do everything on my own - that I really didn't need to listen to my sponsor; I didn't need you women in AA; and that I certainly didn't need to work the Steps and rely on a Higher Power.
I kept taking my will back and was not doing God's will. I thought I knew what was best and what was right. As the Big Book mentions, self-reliance fails us, and self-knowledge is not the answer. I thought that I knew better than each of my sponsors. I lost a few sponsors because of the bad decisions that I had made. I even lost a sponsee because of my thinking and bad decision making.
So what is different now? Well, I am living a spiritual life- I am living "in the solution." I've been working with the same wonderful sponsor since last September. I meet with her weekly, and she reads the Big Book to me. We started from the Table of Contents, and are now reading about Step 4 in "How It Works." I have a home group that I go to every Saturday morning. My sponsor goes to that meeting as well. I have surrendered completely to my Higher Power and have honestly and thoroughly worked and continue to work Steps 1-3 on a daily basis. I am working on my 4th Step presently - even though I balk and procrastinate, I know that I have to do it and have to get it done.
I pray every day and ask my Higher Power for help to do His will and not my will. I ask Him to help me be of service and to do the next right thing. I am now a co-chair for my Saturday women's home group- so excited and so grateful! I'm excited to be a trusted servant here at GROW, and I also do service work at my other online women's AA group. I try to get to one to two face-to-face meetings during the week, and I go to meetings on the weekend. Lately, since starting my new job, I've had trouble getting to meetings during the week.
My life is far from perfect, but it is so much better than when I was drinking. I have some great women friends in AA. I have a wonderful relationship with my two children - age 14 and 17. I'm so grateful that I can be there for them and not be drunk and hung over. I can be a good example to them. Both of them are at that age when peer pressure is so big! They both have seen me relapse multiple times - even though they were 9 and 11 when I started AA. They totally understand and remember much more than I thought. My marriage has improved so much, and we continue to re-build our marriage. I am slowly but surely getting more and more of my husband's trust back.
I have a much stronger relationship with my Higher Power, who I call God. I know that He always has my back. I understand better that it's not about my will, but it's about what God wants me to do. I just need to keep doing the footwork. I am not in charge - He is - which sometimes I still have trouble with.
Part of me still wants to control the outcome. It's especially difficult when I am feeling more anxious and overwhelmed. I just have to remember that I am not alone - I have my Higher Power who will take care of me. I also am getting better at reaching out to other alcoholics - whether it be a phone call, a text, or Skype/email. My sponsor reminds me to always reach out to the newcomer and to get her phone number.
Lastly I would like to end with the acronym H.O.W.: Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness. I know that these three "essentials" have helped me so much get to where I am today. A woman at my home group told me today after I gave the lead, that she could really see how I have changed and how I have been working the Steps. Wow!! The tears started to flow! I believe so much more in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know that it does work when I work it!
Thank you so much dear ladies for letting me share and be of service. I appreciate and love all of you! Please feel free to share on "The Spiritual Program" and how you work it in your life, and about the "essentials of recovery". Or you can share on whatever is on your mind.
March 30 : Trust in God's Will
I played the victim of circumstance prior to my arrival in AA. You fellow Alkies taught me that much of that circumstance was of my own making. I stepped on plenty of toes and people naturally retaliated just like it says in the Big Book. I had an unhealthy dependence upon others to a great extent too. I really wanted everyone to tell me or reassure me somehow, that I was in fact, a good person on the inside. I just did not feel much of anything but fear and insecurity as a youngster and that continued on into my adult life.
I had unrealistic expectations of others and of myself. I spent a great deal of time and energy manipulating the outcome of stuff. By stuff I mean my interactions with others both in the workplace and at home. I wasted a great deal of energy on this little project, not realizing that God had a plan and, by seeking His/Her will, I would end up exactly where I was meant to be.
I frequently ask myself today: "Where is God in all of this?" That can be anything from unexpected changes in the course of my everyday life to the big stuff like unforeseen illness and injury. I spend a great deal of time seeking God's Will today. Often that means I must remain patient and wait for the next indicated thing. In the early days of my sobriety I could easily find God in nature and in the eyes of my children. It was harder to find God in a vindictive employer or a physical calamity.
I have had plenty of hard knocks in sobriety - enough that I cannot possibly detail them in this share. But suffice it to say, I have not had to drink over any of them. For that I am eternally grateful to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and especially the women of AA. I have been a bit of a broken record of late. It is in the seeking of God's will that draws me ever closer to my Higher Power.
Most of the time I only need be in the present moment to find God, and subsequently God's Will. It is pretty simple, but there are some things in my life that do require some "foot work." Take for example this employment opportunity in Florida. I have no idea what my husband I are to do about it. So we do nothing.
I continue to pray and offer the decision making process up to my Higher Power, trusting that He will give me discernment in His time. Oh Gosh. Patience is something that has come with practice. As I mentioned earlier, the old me prior to sobriety and in the early years of recovery worked very hard to figure out and sometimes manipulate the outcome. I am much more trusting of the process today. It is not so important for me to have all the answers today.
It is far more important for me to stay in today and let life reveal the outcome! With big life stuff, like moving, jobs, illness, injuries, etc. I take the easier, softer way. I don't drink and I go to meetings and my Higher Power speaks to me through others. So my listening skills have gotten better over time.
If I can quiet all that goes on between my two ears, I have a better chance of hearing the cues from a God of my understanding. If I am in turmoil, not paying attention or otherwise preoccupied it takes me a whole lot longer to get to where it is that my Higher Power has me going! In other words, let God drive the bus. I always come back to that. It is a matter of trust really.
My primary goal is to live in trust you see. And this is not just a blind trust. After many years of trying my own way and running into walls, and coming back to surrender and testing God's Will over and over again, I can take measure.
His way is infinitely better than anything I could conjure up on my own. I feel so blessed today to have been able to internalize that as fact. To finally be at peace and rest in the awareness of His Grace is something I sought for as a frightened child and as a frightened adult.
To finally arrive at a place of serenity is quite amazing. Thank you for your participation in my sobriety. I thank each and every one of you. Life is not always "easy peasy". It is full of challenges and ups and downs. Trust in God's Will and all will be well as we trudge the road of happy destiny. Relax and take it easy as you bask in the sunlight of the Spirit. Just for today. I'd love to hear what you have to share on the topic of Trust.
March 23 : From Non-believer to Faith
Today, I have chosen the few paragraphs on page 36 of the 12 and 12 describing our journey from non-believer to one with a strong faith in a higher power.
Respecting alcohol, I have to be dependent upon Alcoholics Anonymous. But in other matters, I must still maintain my independence; nothing is going to turn me into a nonentity. If I keep turning my will and my life over to the care of Something, I will remain a nonentity. I will be like the hole in the doughnut.
This is the process by which instinct and logic seem to bolster egotism and frustrate spiritual development. This kind of thinking takes no real account of the facts, and the facts tend to be these: the more we achieve reliance on a higher power, the more dependent we are on God, the more independent we actually are.
We compare our lives with electricity: we know that when we flick a switch, power will start to flow and electricity will operate lights and appliances automatically, making our lives more stable and secure. We are more comfortable and secure as power flows just where it is needed.
This passage on page 36 of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions reflects AA's influence on those of us who have chosen this path and a blueprint for living without alcohol or drugs - living life on life's terms with our own capabilities and ideas. All the while we know more and more each day that a loving God protects and guides us every step of the way. AA says: "I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him."
Please share with us your thoughts on this integral part of Step 3, our step for the month of March. Tell us how you went from reluctant to believing in God to maybe there really is a God to Yes, of course, a Higher Power runs the show and I am his faithful servant. He is the father and I am the child. Share with us your own personal experiences. Ladies, the floor is open for sharing.
March 16 : Keeping character defects in check
I was hoping to hear some ESH regarding how to keep those pesky character defects in check. I struggle with this a lot, and my job seems to bring out the worst, especially my tendency to feel inadequate.
March 9 : God Consciousness
"Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense."
-Alcoholic Anonymous p. 85
This year has been amazing. I have gone from a withdrawn, sick, and suffering woman to one that is free and sober. Little did I know that becoming sober was only the beginning of a new way of living, and that I would begin a journey of spiritual awakening. Each day brings new awareness of my Higher Power.
I try to stay very close to him/her as I know I cannot do this alone. Reading the Big Book each day, praying, and meditating, listening to all of you who share your own journey through your shares here each day, and sticking close to my sponsor, has been my "school of sober spirituality".
The quote above says that we will receive strength, inspiration, and direction from our Higher Power. We will become God conscious. So, my question for you this week is:
How do you sense that God consciousness in your life? What does it mean to you to have developed that "vital sixth sense"? What does this look like in your everyday lives?
March 2 : Acceptance
In the beginning of my program, I often asked myself why did it take me so long to find AA? I'd become a bit envious and in awe when I'd hear that members were celebrating their 5, 10, 20, 30, 38. and more years of sobriety. I soon realized that because of my stubbornness and self-centeredness, it took me longer than others to accept that I had a problem.
When I came to AA, I learned about acceptance through the Serenity Prayer. Acceptance is key for me. I accepted that I was an alcoholic and could not manage my own life. I tried to control my drinking for at least 25 years, and I tried to control my kids, husband, and anyone else that appeared interested in what I had to say.
My sponsor told me that first I had to put the drink down - that was hard - but I was desperate and was willing to accept anything in order to stop. At this point, I was scared that I would not be able to stop. I shared this in my second meeting, and I heard you say. One day at a time. I thought One day? I don't know if I can go one hour.
I accepted that there was no other way, and if I wanted what you had, I needed to try. As the fog began to lift and I began to work my program, I understood that acceptance was key for my sobriety. You are teaching me to accept the fact that I don't have control over anyone or anything. Only God has all the power and control.
I apply acceptance on whatever comes my way on a daily basis. The Serenity Prayer, my daily mass, and The Third and Seventh Step Prayers get me through those difficult moments and to live life on life's terms.
Being accepting helps me keep peace of mind; my relationships have improved; and I am more positive and try to keep my side of the street clean. I claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Sisters in GROW, I feel blessed to have found you, Share this week on how you apply acceptance to your daily life, and you are free to share on any other topic of your choice.
February 23 : Carrying the Message
Over the last week or so, I've been thinking a lot about this last week's topic, "Listening", and relating to how important it is to accept and bring in the messages that are provided to us in this program. I've also heard and read a lot about some of us who are still suffering, and thinking about how my own personal story includes a strong inclusion of self-created chaos and feeling like a victim for most of my life.
I drank in part because I thought "I deserved it" for all the bad things that had happened. I used alcohol as an escape, and justified that because I had a victim mentality. AA and the steps have taught me that I do not need to be a victim anymore.
Through working this program and carrying the message to others, I empower myself and can let go of the victim mindset. I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Yes, bad things do happen in our lives, but alcohol does not happen to me, and I have the tools through this program and all of you to be strong and shift the focus from "poor me" to empathy for others who are still suffering.
This is Step 12 work, but in reality, I think the sooner we can work through the inventory of our faults and our past sufferings and shift to focus outside of ourselves, the sooner we can start to really live and stop suffering. We don't have to identify or label ourselves based on things we did or that happened to us in the past, and if we carry that message of hope to others, we can be free ourselves.
I have been in and out of these rooms for 16 years, but two years ago on February 24th, I found GROW and really committed myself to this program. While I still had to go back out for a few more minor lessons after that, so this is not my formal 2-year "AA Birthday" (that shifted to January last year), it was the time that I really opened my eyes, started listening, and started to get this program. I now work daily on my steps, and carrying this message forward to other alcoholics and, through that work, feel a peace I never dreamed possible.
My question/suggested topic this week, is how are you hearing the messages, and more importantly how are you shifting (or have shifted) to losing the shame, victim mentality, and sorrow that we enter these rooms with, to carrying the wonderful message of hope and promises forward to other alcoholics?
February 16 : Listening
When I came to AA 17 years ago many things amazed me. It was difficult not to be overwhelmed. One thing that stands out is listening, with the help of my sponsor and other AA friends this alcoholic learned after 47 years on this earth, to listen!
Listening is my ability to have a conversation with someone or be in a group and hear, consume, and understand what everyone is saying.
I am not saying that my listening abilities became finely tuned overnight but that my awareness of my lack of listening skills was brought to my attention as something to be worked on. One very bad habit was being so concerned what I was going to say (the great I AM!!) at a discussion meeting, that what others said went in one ear and out the other. Working on this character defect helped immensely, and it shocked me what could be learned by paying attention. My sponsor had me sit in the front row at Speaker Meetings so my mind would not be distracted, and I would listen to everything that was said.
In my home, my husband quite often is heard to say: 'I told you that yesterday, weren't you listening?" and I do admit that if I'm reading or at the computer and he tells me something, quite often it goes over my head - not even in one ear and out the other! Still working on that, and as we both are senior citizens, memory loss does come into play at times. But if I cannot give my life partner my undivided attention (he is not that demanding!), then I need to make an amends and work harder at truly listening.
So ladies, this week I'd love to hear your experiences with listening or whatever you feel you need and want to share!
February 9 : Setting Priorities and Living in Today
I have been having a hard time keeping up with all the emails lately and haven't been as active with GROW as I want to be. I realized yesterday that I'm actually working 3 jobs - I have a full-time day job at a bank, I work as a ghostwriter at night, and almost all the time that I'm not working, I'm babysitting my 3 grandchildren because they have a deadbeat dad, and my daughter works opposite hours from mine.
When I first got sober, some people would insist that I had to do 90 meetings in 90 days. Back then, there were no online meetings, so a newcomer had to go to f2f meetings if she wanted to learn how to live life sober. As a single parent at the time (which I am again - a single parent and single grandparent), I was definitely unable to do 90 meetings in 90 days. Yet the program was the #1 focus and priority of my life. When I couldn't get to meetings, I read the Big Book and the 12 and 12 daily, along with several daily meditation readings, and books such as "Living Sober" and "As Bill Sees It". I would pick up the phone and communicate with other recovering alcoholics. I would write in a notebook my fourth and tenth steps.
Lately because of all that has happened - the death of my husband in 2012, the end of my daughter's marriage a few months after that - I think I have been having a hard time putting my priorities in the right place. I have started to isolate and become unfocused.
Believe me, even though I have gone 26 years without picking up, I haven't forgotten where I came from, and I know that I'm only an arm's length from a drink and complete self-destruction. And one lesson I learned years ago is that a SLIP means sobriety loses its priority.
Another hugely important lesson for me in recovery has been that life is manageable when I keep it in 24 hours. I only have to live one day at a time. I don't have to worry about the things I have to do next week or next month. I only have to set priorities for today, this one 24 hour period.
I'd like to propose as a topic "Setting Priorities and Living in Today." How do you make your recovery the #1 priority in your life? How do you keep your focus on just today?
February 2 : Handling Stress in Sobriety
Whatever traditional topic I might have picked just days ago, life has completely overwhelmed it.
A few weeks ago, my elderly mother's room flooded and she had to be moved. Very upsetting for a woman with dementia. A few days later, she came down with bronchritis and has not recovered yet. Then I got sick and had a difficult week. Living alone while ill is not fun. Then just about the time I started feeling better, my little cat got sick again. Emergency trips to the vet and the heartache of fearing euthanasia.
This is just life, but it has been very stressful. A few years ago, my remedy would have been simple - a few beers. Then a few more. And more. I'd have forgotten all about the stress. I'd probably have forgotten to check up on mother, too. Then I'd have postponed the trips to the vet. Everyone would have suffered, but my stress levels would be down - well, until the hangover at least.
So, how is it different today when there's no six-pack to resort to? I'm still stressed, and the relief is neither simple nor quick. I talk about it with other recovering alcoholics. I go to more meetings. I pray a lot. I take one step at a time one day at a time. I do the right thing first and forget about the results of my actions. I leave the results to my Higher Power, and I go on with my day. I don't get all wrapped up in what might happen tomorrow or what I could have done better yesterday.
These actions do not make the stress go away, but they make it much easier to deal with. I keep living day-to-day without the drama and extreme emotion of the old days. I don't have to handle hangovers or regrets. I can keep doing what I need to do one day at a time.
In stressful times like these, applying the 12 steps becomes critical to my serenity and my ability to cope with life on life's terms. Having practiced for a long time now at practicing these principles in all my affairs gives me a strength and resilience that did not exist when I was drinking. Having the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous gives me a source of strength to deal with the stresses of the day and much more healthy than a few six-packs.
How do you deal with stress in sobriety? What are your remedies? How do you deal with stress in your life today?
January 26 : 11th Step Prayer
For this week, I have chosen the topic of the 11th Step Prayer. I say the Third, Seventh and Eleventh Step prayers every morning before I get out of bed. Doing something daily runs the risk of becoming rote for me. A few weeks ago I was thinking about the word "principles" in How It Works, and the thought came that actions that show our program principles are described in this Eleventh Step Prayer.
This prayer is, of course, also known as the St. Francis of Assisi prayer. In our AA literature, it is on page 99 of the 12 & 12.
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace --
that where there is hatred, I may bring love --
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness --
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony --
that where there is error, I may bring truth --
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith --
that where there is despair, I may bring hope --
that where there are shadows, I may bring light --
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.Lord, grant that I may seek rather
to comfort, than to be comforted --
to understand, than to be understood --
to love, than to be loved.For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
Amen.
I have heard it said that this step may be worked by everyone, newcomers. We may pray and meditate at every point in our recovery; there is no need to wait until we get to Step 11! Thinking about the meaning of this prayer is a form of meditation. Breathe deeply and think about each phrase. . .
I would like to know how you have put this prayer into practice and what were your results. Is there a way that you have found to bring love where there is hatred? forgiveness where there is wrong? harmony where there is discord? truth where there is error? faith where there is doubt? hope where there is despair? light where there are shadows? joy where there is sadness?
How has it worked when you have tried comforting someone rather than seeking your own comfort? understanding someone else before seeking to be understood? loving another rather than seeking love from someone else?
I do find myself -- my truest self, the way my Creator creates me to be every day of my life -- in self-forgetting. Forgiveness works in this paradoxical way of forgiving myself and working to forgiving others; in forgiving them I'm better able to accept, tolerate, and forgive my own humanness. I don't know about Eternal Life -- I'm not there yet!
From the bottom of page 101 of the 12 & 12: And let's always remember that meditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its first fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we understand God.
January 19 : Stopping the Insanity
Lately I have been working through a paralyzing fear of doing anything right and the crazy part is that I am an entrepreneur who should be fearless and welcome any opportunities to grow. However lately it is different.
I live by myself and I am a very capable lady of doing anything that needs to be done except whether it is with my own business or fixing my home...I just stall and feel like everything is closing in on me. It is agonizing and very frightening...and I struggle.
Then I find myself doing the same dance of reaching out to those that are unavailable. I just want that hug to say it is ok except I go to my ex for this. Hello...he is an ex for a reason. He is incapable of doing that and it is unfair of me in making him into something he isn't.
This is the insanity...doing the same dance expecting something different. In this state I feel very alone.
And why in the hell am I here even after 15 years of recovery? It doesn't matter about the years I have, it takes what it takes and in this case it comes down to fear, plain and simple.
So, as I have learned, I need to face this fear head-on like I am right now.
In a wonderful book that I used regularly (Daily Reflections)...I looked up "fear" and this passage spoke to me.
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From Daily Reflections, July 6, p.196
Identifying Fear...
The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear...
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p 76
When I feel uncomfortable, irritated, or depressed, I look for fear. This "evil and corroding thread" is the root of my distress: Fear of failure, fear of others' opinions; fear of harm, and many other fears. I have found a Higher Power who does not want me to live in fear and, as a result, the experience of AA in my life is freedom and joy. I am no longer willing to live with the multitude of character defects that characterized my life while I was drinking. Step Seven is my vehicle to freedom from these defects. I pray for help in identifying the fear underneath the defect, then I ask God to relieve me of that fear. This method works for me without fail and is one of the great miracles of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous.
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This is how it works and it is about progress, not perfection. I now see my insanity and I have a choice...to walk down the same road or choose a different path. Saying it is the simple part...the action is the hard part.
So today I embrace its beauty, turn to my higher power and know I am not alone in facing my fears.
I am on a journey with fellow travelers each realizing our own fullest potential. Thank you for the gift of you.
January 12 : Rapt Attention
I am still an alcoholic, one who celebrated 26 years (9,497 days) of sobriety on January 9, 2014. I had to drink every day for 23 years so it is astonishing to be able to NOT drink for an even longer time.
I attended a meeting yesterday morning specifically to be able to announce my anniversary and demonstrate to newcomers that this program really does work. While there, I heard enough good stuff to generate topics for a whole week.
That meeting uses the "24 Hour a Day" book as the basis for the discussion and the top paragraph was about the transformation we go through in sobriety from the selfish, where's-my-next-drink person, to the I-must-give-it-to-others-in-order-to-keep-my-sobriety person of today.
One person shared that often he finds that the best thing he can do for another alcoholic is to listen. He remarked that he knows he is not the sponsee's banker or mechanic, and he doesn't know the solution to the present difficulty for the other person. But the program has taught him to listen, really listen to another person. He has found that is the only thing really needed to allow the other person to figure out his own best solution.
It reminded me of my first couple of years in sobriety where I had to learn HOW to listen. There was such a roar in my head in the early days that any noise from outside had a hard time penetrating. I went to a meeting every day for months and begged TWIMC (To Whom It May Concern) to "Help me hear what I need to hear in order to stay sober today."
It obviously worked. But the learning part of it was such exhausting work that I would come home and go to bed immediately.
One of the readings in a meditation book used by my home group specifically mentions "rapt attention" to one another at meetings. Especially at women's meetings the thoughtfulness we give each other in listening to what each woman shares is a gift we give each other. The whole rest of the world, bosses, co-workers, spouses, partners, and kids may talk over us during all the other hours of the day, but the blessed quiet listening of others at a meeting demonstrates that we are important and worthy of being heard.
Had I not trained myself to listen in those early years, I would have missed valuable insights gained from careful attendance to what others say at meetings. The training has been invaluable for caring and guiding others coming up the path of sobriety behind me. Mostly, I listen to them. And mostly, each one uses that accepting attention as the platform for finding the solutions that will work for them. They use it as a safe place to gain insight into their own thought patterns and behaviors invisible all the years they drank.
Friends of much longer sobriety assure me that I can continue to learn and grow, that life will become better for me because "more will be revealed" if I am open to seeing its relevance to my life.
How well (and 360 degree embracing) is the fact that it is by giving others "rapt attention" that I have heard exactly what I needed to hear to improve my sobriety for a day. It is the primary method by which I "give it away in order to keep" my sobriety. Listening is an exercise in humility by demonstrating that I know you are capable of finding your solutions instead of advising or pontificating them to you.
Each time I thoughtfully listen to another women, my action tells her that she is important and worthy of being heard, that what she says is valuable. What a wondrous gift we give each other at every meeting we attend, or every online post we read! Somehow, lurking or sharing, we put goodness into the Universe each time we attend to another's existence.
So I thank you for attending to mine. I thank Serendipity for bringing me to online AA because it has been a life-changing event for me.
Please feel free to share on whatever affects your sobriety today, whether or not it is on topic.
January 5 : Self-Will vs. God's Will
I came into AA without a notion of God or a Higher Power. I can accept that the HP is not me, and I'm definitely willing to believe.
And I felt this viscerally when I went to my first f2f meeting last month. Holding hands with six strangers during the serenity prayer made me cry. They were there for me when I needed them, and they don't even know me. Just like every single person here at GROW.
Something was happening. Grace? My HP?
I'm not sure how to intercept messages from my HP.
My sponsor has me reading these words from the Big Book each morning:
"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy, we don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile."
-BB p86.
Over time I came to focus on two things:
1. The HP can speak to us through intuition. I imagine my HP is that twinge in the pit of my stomach. Unfortunately I have never paid attention to that feeling when it was telling me things I didn't want to hear. I ignored it. Is it still there?
2. The idea of struggle. This is more concrete. How I understand the passage: When I am in self-will (not HP will), I will struggle. But I also struggle when trying to undo old poisonous habits such as lying to avoid discomfort. Surely my HP wants me to fix this, and yet I feel incredible tension and discomfort.
I love Step Three. When I learned that I cannot control people, places and things I was so relieved. I'm ready to learn how to make decisions without trying to finesse a certain outcome.
But when I found out that I was going to be asking my HP for help, I came up against this: How can I know what my HP wills?
My life was entirely run according to self-will. It's all I know. How do I understand when I'm simply manipulating a situation and claiming act according to my HP?
How do you understand the difference between self-will and your HP? I would love to hear about how you learned to hear your HP. How was it for you?
I have learned so much from the daily GROW shares. Reading them is a gift and a privilege.
Thank you for giving me the chance to do service this week and I look forward to learning from all of you! Happy New Year!